Yesterday, I had the pleasure of riding the light rail with a lot of fine people, who just happened to not be wearing any pants.
I was a participant in this game. Well, sort of.
I wore a suit and slip. Some called it cheating. I said it was a loophole. (They were probably right.)
A friend of mine asked me this morning what I learned, which gave me pause for thought. I hadn’t considered that it would be anything more than something fun to tell my kids about.
But it was actually a great learning experience.
1. Lack of shame transcends cultures, lifestyles, shapes, body types, and ages.
There was a wide variety of people there – different ethnicities; male and female; straight and (presumably) homosexual; old and young; rich and poor; mohawked and non-mohawked.
Awesomesauce Mohawk Guy
But the one thing they all had in common was a lack of bottoms. It was the unifying thread that held together this otherwise eclectic group.
2. There will always be people who feel they have a right to tell you how to live your life (but not that you have the right to live it). Speak up for yourself, and then move on.
One gentleman, to use the term loosely, was outraged by the sight.
“Why are you guys so f—ing disgusting?”
He failed to see the irony in expressing his belief that pantsless riders were a bad influence on the two-year old sitting across from him… through the incessant dropping of the “f” bomb.
After about ten times, I finally asked him to stop swearing, which only served to make Angry Man angrier. He looked down to see if I was in my underwear – I could tell he was confused by my slip. He continued to argue, but refused to look me in the eye.
Reenactment.
The Tie-Dyed Woman next to me would later ask “I wonder if he would have the same reaction if everyone was wearing bathing suits?”
We can only guess at the answer, but I know what I think it is.
I would like to publicly thank Angry Man for his service to our country which, along with it being a free country, he touted as a reason why he had the right to curse and swear at people.
I would also like to remind him that the freedom he helped fight for applies to everyone.
Thankfully, he exercised his freedom to get off a the next stop and gave everyone else the freedom to escape his verbal abuse. Hooray!
3. There are also a lot of really, really cool people out there…
…including the two people with the young child (Awesome Man and his mother), who insisted to Angry Man that seeing people in their underwear was not harmful to the child and that he probably wouldn’t remember it anyway.
Awesome Guy with Baby and the sister of the Tie-Dyed Woman sitting next to me (vital info).
After Angry Man left, Awesome Man said he was just telling his mother that he wished he’d known about the ride because he was wearing his Santa Claus boxers. So everyone yelled “Well take ‘em off!” Then he pulled down his pants and shook a “HO! HO! HO!” at everyone behind him.
Good times.
When another passenger entered shortly after, a look of surprise crossed his face. Then he stood there for a moment…
“Never has the urge to conform been so enticing,” he said. “Everyone else isn’t wearing pants, so why am I?”
(Read his quote in the ASU State Press article.)
Awesome Guy Who Wanted to Conform
And once he exited the train, he did!
I offered to hold his book while he depantsed, which I think freaked him out because he avoided me like the plague after that.
He was probably wise to ignore me.
And then there are these fine fellows, who also spontaneously depantsed and joined the group all the way to our meeting point, where they shared laughs and, presumably, beers.
Cool cats. But I'm pretty sure their plans involved nudity at some point, anyway.
5. There are a lot of creepers riding public transportation.
Let’s just say I’m thankful there’s no “No Pants Light Rail Ride AZ – After Dark”. 
Actual photo.
6. I’m socially awkward. I need to get out more.
This is a little more personal, I guess.
I’ve spent much of my life as the quiet observer, but as a young child, I was very confident. (Just ask my mom about my “Batgirl Underoos” photos. I was quite the ham, I must say.)
I had this exact pair.
But you can’t grow up poor, weird, and an ugly duckling in North Scottsdale without being ostracized, so I’ve spent a lot of time watching people. It’s helped my writing quite a bit, I think. But as I’ve grown into adulthood, I’ve shied away from people even more.
It’s always uncomfortable for me to be in social situations. I haven’t mastered the art of chit chat, so I never know what to say. I laugh or joke at inappropriate moments, and I’m too shy to talk to most people – except on rare occasions, when I get obnoxiously talkative.
Me (without makeup).
But awkward as I’ve always felt, especially around people I don’t know, I’ve continually operated under the assumption that I blend into the background, invisible.
Yesterday, however, a kind soul approached me. He said I looked bored and invited me to join him and his friends (from AZ Burners). This was an exceedingly kind gesture, and I’m very grateful for it and the lovely conversation with them that followed. But it also made me realize that people do see me. And you can’t just blend into the wallpaper.
This point is especially true when you’re not wearing pants.
7. I either need to learn to be more comfortable with myself or work to get myself up to my level of comfort.
This might be the most important lesson I’ll take away from this. The thing is, I didn’t wear the slip because I suddenly chickened out at the last minute. I planned to wear it.
I spent some time staring at myself in the mirror today – yes, “pantsless”. And I decided… I’m okay.
No, I’m not perfect. But I’m also not bad, I guess. I think about all those wonderful happy people out there and how confident and fun they all are.
And I want that.
What I really want? (Wait for it…)
I know there’s a chance I won’t be able to get over my insecurities. I don’t like this idea, for a variety of reasons, but I have to acknowledge the possibility.
If that happens, I’ll just need to work harder to get myself to the level where I am comfortable. And that will have personal benefits as well. I’m going for both.
Regardless, I vow that 2013 will be the year. The Year of No Pants. (Well, not a whole year.)
So, starting today, I’m taking that picture of Mohawk Guy and sticking it on my fridge. His image will serve as a constant reminder that the 12 months until the next ride is going to go by just as fast as it did this last time around.
Maybe this goal will fizzle out. But I’m going to try. With any luck, my blog for January 2013 will be The Tao of Pantslessness.
Tao of Pantlessness
So, when all’s said and done, I guess I’ve learned you can gain a lot by losing your pants. And maybe next time, less will equal even more.
———-
Want to learn more about the No Pants Light Rail Ride AZ 2012? Want to see pics? Take a gander at their facebook page.
Want to find out about future urban pranks? Check out Improv AZ, if you’re in Arizona, of course, or Improv Everwhere to find out about projects worldwide.
So want to find out who’s behind most of these shenanigans locally? You can (mostly) blame them on this guy – Jeff Moriarty.
Writer, Tweeter, Blogger, Urban Prankster, and all-around Cool Guy
Don’t let the last name fool you – he’s not an evil genius.
Or is he…?
There isn’t much I can say to this, except to respond with a big, exasperate *sigh*.
http://www.azcentral.com/members/Blog/westsideinsider/124637
What we have here, unfortunately, is a case of “oversimplification”. We are all guilty of it, myself included, when we dismiss an idea whose merit we cannot initially see. Rather than take the time to look into the matter and see why someone else does, we simply ignore it, avow to our own superiority, or, even worse, question the intelligence of those who actually have taken the time to research and study the situation.
Not convinced yourself? Check out how film tax credits impacted New Mexico.
Don’t want to read it all, you say? Here are a couple of snippets for you:
For fiscal year 2008, thirty-one projects qualified for tax credits totaling $38,195,321.34. Since the credits are for production related expenses in New Mexico and the credit for the time period was twenty-five percent, this implies that
the industry spent $152,771,285.36 on production in New Mexico during the year.
…
The results of using IMPLAN and the initial spending of $152.780 million are provided in Table 8. The total impact of this spending results in an increase in state product of $344.796 million, an increase in income of $81.167 million and an increase of 2,434 jobs.
How much of this could have come to us? Hollywood often flies over Arizona to film in New Mexico, even for film that are set in Arizona.
It’s sad. It’s just so sad.
Amazon Studios gives screenwriters and indie film and video artists the chance to get noticed. While this is very exciting news, there are some good points and bad points to this.
First the good:
- You might get industry exposure
- You can get feedback on your script
- It’s a new venture
- You can win money!
- Your screenplay could be optioned
There are often guest judges and there is a chance your screenplay, table read, or sample movie could be seen by the right people at the right time.
People have the option of voting for (or against) your script. But a lot of times they have valuable insight as to what you could do to make it stronger. Most of the comments I’ve seen so far have been great.
New contests mean fewer entrants. If you’re good, this could really give you a chance to stand out in the crowd!
Yup! In 2011 Amazon is giving away $1.1 million dollars, with about $150k up for grabs each month.
That’s right – Amazon may pay you up to $200,000 to option your screenplay during the first 18 months since you upload your script. And they might actually make it into a movie (they’re partnered with Warner Bros. – the biggest Hollywood studio). Pretty wow!
And here’s the bad news:
- Your screenplay could be optioned
- They can extend your option another 18 months
- People can make test movies of your script
That’s right – this positive is also a downer. By uploading your work, you give Amazon Studios the *exclusive* right to option your screenplay for the next 18 months. This means if someone else decides they want to make your movie – regardless of how much they want to pay you, you can’t sell it until the exclusive rights you grant Amazon Studios expire.
Sure, they’ll pay you another $10k, but your script could be tied up for a total of 36 months. That’s three years, or 21 in Hollywood years. So if you have a hot or timely topic, you might just kiss your chances goodbye…
This could be as simple as a table read, which could actually give you a great sense of how the dialogue is or is not working and how other people are interpreting the lines. Unfortunately, a crappy test movie might deter people from reading your script.
Check out the Amazon Studios FAQs.
My recommendation? If you’re positive your screenplay is polished enough, enter it into a couple of great contests and see how you fare there. Your best bet would be to place in the semi-finals or finals and use those as selling points to land an agent. And if you don’t get any biters, I would try Amazon Studios after that.
But this is a decision you need to make for yourself. Hopefully this brief overview will help you do just that.
Of interest for anyone involved in the film community…
I <3 Amazon, but it used to be a hassle to find any of the professional video equipment. Now they have a Professional Video Store available.
‘Bout time!
ProVideoCameraPhoto
Hey everyone-
I’m looking for an artist, a band, or a group with a finished (preferably marketable) song that would like to collaborate on a music video. This will have to take place on or before the weekend of 2/26-2/27.
I have the most experience listening to rap/hip-hop/r&b/pop music, but genre is completely unimportant. I have edited rap and country videos and have shot hard metal. I am open to just about anything, although I have less of a physical tolerance for screamo music. However, please do not submit anything overtly racist (e.g., white supremacist material or other hate music in general) as I have NO interest in that whatsoever. No violence against women (e.g., advocating rape or abuse). Swearing is fine, though not preferred.
The more polished the song, the better.
I would normally charge $2000+ to shoot and edit a video. If you can deal with just me and my camera equipment then I am willing to do it for free. (Despite the casual/personal tone in this posting, I am a professional videographer/filmmaker by nature and, therefore, have professional equipment. I won’t be showing up with just a Flip or an iPhone.) In this case, I will probably be more selective about whom I choose. All of the writing/directing, shooting, rental charges for my equipment, and editing will be provided for free. If you can kick in a little money to help with lunch for people ($50-100?) that would be awesome, but is not required.
If you would like more than one camera, then it will cost about $500 per additional camera to cover expenses, as I will have to hire additional people and rent equipment. Although I may have some connections and some people I can recommend, I have no budget and no locations – this is what you will need to bring to the table. I am fine with no budget, but locations will need to be figured out. If you want to book time in a studio or have any additional service I cannot or do not provide, then that will be on you as well. I am 100% fine with no budget, but it could be a good opportunity for you if you want to take it further.
I would prefer to not just do a performance video but have some sort of narrative to accompany the music. Of course, we will be limited by time and budget, so we’ll have to be flexible/improvise.
What we would both get out of the project:
You would get a finished music video, possibly for free, that you can use to do whatever – post on YouTube, Facebook, send to potential agents, play behind you during a concert, etc. You will retain all rights to your music aside from what you grant me, as noted below.
I will retain all remaining rights to the footage and video, such as uploading it to YouTube as well, using it on a demo reel, etc. You will grant me the right to use your music for such purposes. I am not trying to profit from your song. It would be nice if you would grant me an additional right to use your song in one of my (most likely short) films, but this is not a requirement.
Please contact me as soon as you can if you are interested. I will likely need to make a decision by this Wednesday (2/16) due to the time constraints, but if it’s later than that try me anyway. I anticipate more than one response to this posting, in which case selection will be based on a few things, primarily the quality of the song and how well we mesh together personally.
NO DIVAS OR A–HATS I am very easy to get along with and I expect you to be the same!
Please reply via my Craigslist posting as it will help me stay organized. Thanks!
I wouldn’t quite consider myself a lemming, but I’m pretty alarmed by recent reports of suicidal cows.
Perhaps it’s due to my perfectionist nature, but I’ve always been the type of person who throws theirself into everything full force. I do this even to my own detriment. I rarely do something halfway and it was the knowledge of such that led me to believe that, given sufficient talent, I had the drive to succeed in anything I wanted.
But lately I’ve found it increasingly difficult to stay focused. I’ve been sidetracked by health, personal problems, and that wonderfully fickle little thing known as “life”.
Watch out for falling cows
It’s taken some time for me to realize this but I’m beginning to see the importance of it all. Is it not adversity that makes us stronger? The mountain that is hardest to climb, the one with the precipice most shear, often has the greatest summit.
I’ve always been a firm believer that while we cannot control the things that happen to us, we can control our reactions to them. So when faced with adversity, what do we do?
In the interest of my OCPD, I made a list. So here are ten ways to surviving all that life throws at you…
- Don’t throw yourself off a cliff.
- Keep things in perspective.
- Remember that Tupac was a god.
- Remember that Aaliyah was a goddess.
- Get into a routine
- Become your own drill sergeant.
- Lemons can hurt you.
- Set some goals.
- Figure out where you want to go.
- Now get yourself some evil minions…
And don’t fall off one, either. Okay, so cows and lemmings don’t really commit suicide. They fall when in strange territory or perhaps even due to overcrowding. No one knows for sure. But what we do know is they follow others ad often do this en masse, so if you do you’re likely to bring others with you.
No, seriously.
It’s not the end of the world.
It could always be worse.
No, really. It isn’t. No matter what it seems like now, you will live to fight another day. Unless you already threw yourself off of said cliff, in which case this blog is irrelevant.
Okay, no. And I’m certainly not claiming he was the God. But he did leave behind some immortal words. So when the going gets tough just remember “Keep your head up, legs closed, eyes open.”
Yup.
Okay, this one I happen to agree with. “If at first you don’t succeed, then dust yourself off and try again.”
Beautiful Aaliyah
Preferably one that doesn’t involve this:
Most disturbing picture ever!
Yes, sir! Or ma’am! Stop wallowing around in pity and get up off your lazy butt. You have more at stake here than anyone else. It’s time for some self-motivation, so get up and get moving.
Sir, yes sir!
They say that when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. But if you hold on to those lemons too long they start to burn you. They don’t meant to do it – it’s just in their nature to be acidic. So don’t hold them. Squeeze those suckers and drink it up. Or even better, put up a stand on the corner and sell it to someone else. No go make some lemonade!
See? They don't really mean it. They aren't like tomatoes.
Note: This should not be confused with lemmingade. Don’t make the same mistake I did.*
Do this.
And how to get there.
Turn left at the lazy dog.
…because it’s time to take over the world!
Also tastes good with peanut butter
*If you think I was serious about the lemmingade, then you are one sick, sick puppy.
IFP/PHX Beat the Clock 48-Hour Film Challenge
Need to hone your filmmaking skills? Are you an as yet undiscovered genius of the Phoenix film community? Looking for a chance to win some extra cash?
Well you’re in luck because the Independent Feature Project of Phoenix (IFP/PHX) has just announced the final 48-Hour challenge of the 2009-2010 Beat the Clock Challenge.
Save the date; it’s January 22-24, 2010.
For those unfamiliar with the challenge, 35 Teams will compete, each entering a 3-minute film. The catch is in the challenge: a specific genre must be adhered to and a particular prop and line of dialogue must be included (information to be released on that Friday) in the script, which is to be written that weekend as part of the challenge. And then your team has 48 hours to complete and turn in the film. Judges come from the AZ indie film community.
Every film completed as part of this challenge (registered teams only) will be screened and will be eligible for prizes.
The top five teams from this round will compete with winners from the previous two rounds during the finals at the 2010 Phoenix Film Festival on April 12, 2010.
Prizes include $250 for the round in January, with the grand prize being $1000! The system is based on points according to how the film places.
Registration fees range from $50-65, depending on whether or not one of your teammates is an IFP/PHX member. There’s no size limit on the teams and you can always add more later if you can entice more friends to join you.
You must hurry if you want to register, however, as the entry deadline closes on January 19 or as soon as 35 teams are registered. So get a move on!
A new reality show is casting here in the Valley.
A casting call has been placed for parents who are sincerely interested in the activities of their troubled or vulnerable teens and who are willing to tell their story on camera. A parenting expert will be on hand to assist in confronting and controlling the teen in a positive way.
Interested families should e-mail the Phoenix casting coordinator at aztvcasting@gmail.com with a brief bio and picture, if possible.
Not sure if you qualify? Send us an e-mail anyway!
Here’s what we’re looking for:
Teens – preferably 16-18 yrs old and share a family car (or have one of their own)
Parents – have a sincere curiosity about their teenager’s activities and are willing to share their story on camera
We’re coming to Phoenix soon so e-mail us right away!
Compensation: There may be pay, to be specified at a later time.
I’m very pleased to announce that VegStar and the accompanying VegStar Wiki! are finally ready to launch.
VegStar features a three-tier vegetarian certification program while the VegStar Wiki! is primarily a database of product ingredients along with a smattering of other vegetarian goodness. The latter will require a great deal of effort on the part of vegetarians everywhere and I’m hoping at least some people will contribute.
If it gets off the ground it will be awesome!
More information can be found on the official announcement page.
In honor of “Bat Appreciation Month” (and later “Bat Appreciation Day” on April 17) I am dedicating October to learning more about these important and greatly misunderstood creatures.
I’ll start with advocating that everyone visit Bat Conservation International at batcon.org to learn more about them or even adopt a bat!
I will encourage any teaching professionals to include something about bats in their curriculum for October.
But if you’re just looking for a basic intro, you can check out their FAQs.
Best wishes,
Kristen